Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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