exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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