is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize