Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
