hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Still dying that you shit outside
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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