What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
