the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
