dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
