Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
