I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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