I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize