Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
