we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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