I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
