he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
