saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
