I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
