We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
