so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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