Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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