Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's blow job season.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
