It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
