Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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