Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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