Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
