the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
