and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
