tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
