I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
