I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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