ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
