I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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