Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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