I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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