yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
