Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
