what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
