I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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