you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We need to rekindle our bromance
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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