2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
