Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
