I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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