drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
