I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
