even my farts smell like vagina
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Please don't give away my fajitas
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
