Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
