WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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