He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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