I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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