I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
