I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think people are normalizing furries
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
