And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
