R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize