DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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