I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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