Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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