I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
