I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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