In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
