I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
