she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
