Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize